What Are You Retiring To? Finding Purpose Beyond the Paycheck

In the first article in this series, we talked about the emotional weight of deciding to retire, including the identity questions, the outside pressure, and the spousal dynamics that come with it. If you've worked through those, or at least started to, you may be at the point where you're genuinely ready to step away.

But before you do, there's a question worth asking yourself: What are you retiring to?

The answer to that question, or the absence of one, turns out to be one of the strongest predictors of how well the first couple of years of retirement are going to go.

Most people go through what researchers call a honeymoon phase after they retire. The commute is over, the meetings are done, and the trips that were always getting pushed off finally get booked. It's a genuinely enjoyable stretch, and it should be. But somewhere between six and eighteen months in, the novelty starts to fade. The projects wrap up, the travel slows down, and a regular Tuesday morning shows up with nothing on the calendar. For a lot of retirees, that's the first time the question really lands: Now what?

Researchers call this stage disenchantment, which sounds dramatic but is actually very common. The portfolio is in good shape, the spending plan is working, and yet something feels like it's missing.

Why Purpose Keeps Coming Up

The word "purpose" shows up in almost every conversation about retirement well-being, and there's a good reason for that. A 2019 study published in JAMA Network Open followed nearly 7,000 adults over the age of 50 and found that those with the weakest sense of life purpose had roughly double the mortality risk of those with the strongest sense of purpose, even after controlling for other health and demographic factors.

The connection goes beyond physical health as well. Research published in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology has found that retirees who are actively searching for meaning tend to hold onto their identity as a worker while resisting the identity of "retiree," which can make the transition feel harder and more drawn out. Retirees who already feel a genuine sense of meaning in their current life tend to settle in more comfortably.

None of this means that purpose needs to be figured out on the day you clean out your office. But it does suggest that the "I'll figure it out when I get there" approach carries more risk than most people assume.

There's No One-Size-Fits-All

One thing that tends to get overlooked in retirement advice is that by the time most people are ready to retire, they generally have a good sense of who they are. They know whether they're someone who craves contact, a full calendar, and an active schedule, or whether they're someone who craves downtime, quiet, and a slower pace. Both are completely valid.

The mistake many people make is doing what they think they're supposed to do rather than what actually fits them. The goal isn't to follow someone else's template for a successful retirement. It's to be honest about what you actually need in order to feel like your days have some shape and direction.

What Purpose Actually Looks Like

Purpose in retirement doesn't need to mean a grand mission or a second act that rivals a thirty-year career. Edward Jones and Age Wave conducted a large-scale study and found that 92 percent of retirees agreed that purpose is key to a successful retirement. But when asked where that purpose actually came from, the most common answer wasn't starting a business or writing a book. It was spending time with family and friends. Two-thirds of retirees said their relationships were their greatest source of meaning.

That's a finding worth sitting with, because it suggests that purpose doesn't have to be productive in the way a career trains people to think about productivity. It can be relational, creative, physical, or simply about being present for the people and activities that matter most.

Retirees who tend to adjust well generally share a few common traits:

• They have a few anchor commitments. Not rigid obligations, but a handful of recurring things on the calendar, whether that's a volunteer shift, a standing golf game, a class, or a weekly walk with a friend. A small amount of structure tends to be what makes all the free time enjoyable rather than overwhelming.

• They stay connected to people outside their household. Work handles the social calendar for decades, often without people realizing it. In retirement, friendships require more deliberate effort. The Transamerica Center's 2024 research found that while 79 percent of retirees reported a strong sense of purpose, only 53 percent said they had an active social life. That gap is worth paying attention to.

• They contribute to something beyond themselves. Whether it's mentoring, volunteering, helping with grandchildren, or serving on a board, the common thread is that it feels meaningful. The Edward Jones study found that 93 percent of retirees said it was important to feel useful, and 87 percent said that feeling useful actually made them feel more youthful.

• They give themselves permission to experiment. Not everything tried in the first year is going to stick, and that's fine. The people who adjust well tend to treat the early stretch as a period of exploration rather than a deadline.

The Big-Picture Trap

A common pattern among people approaching retirement is having a general vision of what they want to do. They want to travel, spend time with the grandkids, or finally get in shape. Those are all worthwhile goals, but they don't take up sixteen hours a day, every day.

The 2024 MassMutual Retirement Happiness Study found that 64 percent of retirees have more than 40 hours of free time per week, and before they retired, only about half expected that much open time. What often happens is that the trips and visits fill some of those hours, but not all of them. The rest gets filled by default, and for some new retirees that means sitting on the couch, binge-watching television, scrolling, and snacking throughout the day. That's probably not what most people envisioned, but it's surprisingly easy to drift into without a plan for the ordinary days.

Giving some genuine thought to what the regular weeks look like, not just the vacation weeks, can make a real difference. A few questions worth considering:

• What does a normal Tuesday look like?

• Who are you going to see this week that you don't live with?

• What's getting you out of the house on a regular basis?

• What are you looking forward to that's more than a month away?

A Word About Couples

For those who are married or partnered, the "retiring to" question isn't something that can be answered in isolation. One spouse retires with time and energy for new adventures while the other is still working, or both retire at once and discover they have very different ideas about what retirement should look like. The couples who tend to navigate this well are the ones who had an honest conversation about expectations ahead of time, covering things like how much time together versus apart, and what individual interests matter to each person. If that conversation hasn't happened yet, it's not too late, but it's important not to assume a shared vision just because you've been married a long time.

The Bottom Line

The financial plan answers the question of whether you can retire, but knowing what you're retiring to is what determines whether you'll actually enjoy it. That doesn't require a grand plan or a dramatic reinvention. It requires honest thinking about what you need your days to look like, based on what actually works for you rather than what anyone else says retirement is supposed to be. The retirees who tend to be happiest aren't necessarily the ones with the largest portfolios. They're the ones who gave real thought to what they wanted life to look like on the other side, and then put in the effort to make it happen.

In the next article, we'll turn to the financial side of this emotional equation: why spending in retirement feels so different from spending while you're working, and how a flexible spending plan can help take some of the stress out of the transition.

Tad Jakes, CFP®, EA, ECA

Disclaimer: The concepts and research referenced in this article reflect publicly available data and are intended for educational purposes only. They do not constitute personalized financial, tax, or legal advice. Retirement planning decisions are highly individual and depend on a wide range of personal, financial, and health-related factors. Please consult a qualified financial advisor regarding your specific situation.